Warning: This page contains information and resources, including links to outside content, regarding; high-conflict people and personalities, the behaviour of high-conflict people, family and intimate partner violence and post-separation abuse. If any of the information is distressing to you please seek support.

For a list of support providers please click the button below.

The end of a marriage or long-term relationship is usually a time of high stress and emotions, especially if you share children.  However, not every divorce is a high-conflict nightmare that involves court proceedings.  In fact, the majority of divorces and significant relationship breakdowns in Australia aren't high-conflict and don't end up in court.

If you a divorcing a high-conflict person, conflict is unavoidable.

A high-conflict person can make it difficult for anyone on the outside looking in to work out who is responsible for the conflict during separation, divorce and co-parenting.

More often than not, both people appear to be the problem and this can have disastrous consequences when navigating the court system.

If you are concerned about your credibility during your high-conflict divorce, and how this might affect your outcome in court, we need to talk.

I can help.

It’s not an ‘anger problem’.

No one gets hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, culturally or otherwise because someone feels an emotion.

People get hurt when someone chooses a behaviour.

Most family violence and post-separation abuse is never reported.

All manner of abuse, particularly insidious and nuanced forms of coercive control, often continue after the end of the marriage or long-term relationship.

Sharing children with an abuser is a risk factor for continuing abuse as co-parenting is often used as means to continue to dominate and control the other parent.

Post-Separation Abuse Wheel

D.A.R.V.O

Resource Links

“Boys will be boys” | Danny Blay | TEDxStKilda

Danny Blay was the Chief Executive Officer of No To Violence Male Family Violence Prevention Association (NTV) Inc. for eleven years and now provides advice, training and project development in responses to and prevention of family violence, sexual assault, and gender equity. A qualified Men’s Behaviour Change Program Facilitator and counsellor, Danny has made significant contributions to the development of improved and innovative ways in which family violence addressed in Victoria.

“Lundy Bancroft Explains Why You Are A SHEro After Enduring Emotional Abuse” | BTR.org

Lundy Bancroft, warrior for women’s rights and author of ‘Why does he do that?’ and ‘When Dad hurts Mom’ joins Anne Blythe from BTR (Betrayal Trauma Recovery) to discuss the empowerment of women who have experienced abuse.

“He may have made you feel like a bad mother, he may have made you feel like somehow you’re toxic, you’re the one that’s contaminating these kids, you’re the reason why these kids have problems…You are these kids’ mother. You are absolutely crucial to them. They came from you. They need you desperately…”

- Lundy Bancroft

“How His Emotional Abuse Is Also Abusive To Your Children” | Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast (BTR.org)

Lundy Bancroft, champion of abused women and children, author of ‘Why Does He Do That?’ and ‘When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse’, joins Anne Blythe on the BTR Podcast to discuss the truth about how children are impacted by family violence and post-separation abuse.

Narcissism and its discontents | Dr. Ramani Durvasula | TEDxSedona

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in the US and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, where she was named Outstanding Professor in 2012. She is also a Visiting Professor at the University of Johannesburg. Dr. Durvasula is the author of the modern relationship survival manual "Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist" (Post Hill Press) as well as the author of numerous peer reviewed journal articles, book chapters and conference papers.

Dr. Durvasula is also a guest lecturer in the Certified High-Conflict Divorce Coach and Consultant training that Danielle has completed.

Why domestic violence victims don’t leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner | TEDxRainier

Leslie Morgan Steiner was in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life. Steiner tells the story of her relationship, correcting misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and explaining how we can all help break the silence.

Violence against women - it’s a men’s issue | Jackson Katz | TEDxFiDiWomen

Jackson Katz points out that whilst domestic/family violence and sexual abuse are widely referred to as being "women's issues”, they are in fact intrinsically men's issues. Jackson discusses the ways in which the violent behaviours of men are tied to definitions of manhood and the call to all of us is to stop being bystanders and call out unacceptable behaviour when we see it and hear it. We can all be leaders of change.

The Wisdom of Trauma | Featuring Dr. Gabor Maté

Can our deepest pain be a doorway to healing? Trauma is an invisible force that shapes our lives and the way we live, the way we love and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our deepest wounds. In The Wisdom of Trauma, we are taken on a journey alongside physician, bestselling author and Order of Canada recipient Dr. Gabor Maté to explore the connection between illness, addiction, trauma and society.

“So much of what we call abnormality in this culture is actually normal responses to an abnormal culture. The abnormality does not reside in the pathology of individuals, but in the very culture that drives people into suffering and dysfunction.”

— Gabor Maté

I broke my silence: my story of domestic violence | Emma Murphy | TEDxUniversityofNicosia

Emma Murphy's speech is based on a domestic violence video that has been viewed over 50 million times and the aftermath of her assault. Emma is now focusing on the positive impact these developments have had in her life. In 2015, she was subjected to repeated family violence from her ex-boyfriend and father of her children. After one such incident that left her with a black eye, she decided to take to social media, where she posted a vulnerable video of herself telling the world about the abuse, deceit, lies and betrayal she was experiencing. Along with physical violence, Emma was repeatedly told by her partner that she was “paranoid”. To date, that video has been viewed over 50 million times worldwide. Emma Murphy is now a Domestic Violence Advocate, traveling the world to raise awareness for women and children who cannot speak for themselves.